I am not a parent, and at this current stage of my life, I do not have any aspirations to become one! In my opinion, becoming a parent is one of the most important and profound decisions a person can make. I admire the women I see in my community and in my classes who have put aside their personal interests in order to raise their children and still have the courage to come back and finish what they started.
It seems almost cliche to say, but children are a gift from God and the decision to parent should never be taken lightly. That being said, I know that not all of God's gifts are planned, or given to us at a time of our liking! Nevertheless, I think having children is a blessing and being a parent is a serious responsibility, because to become a parent is to become truly selfless. It was hard to comprehend the sacrifices my parents made for me until I experienced becoming an aunt. I realized that I would do absolutely anything for my two darling nieces, and they aren't even mine! I can only imagine the immense love that is between them and my sister.
As I said earlier, I am not wanting to become a parent right now, but I do want to in the future. I can't describe this desire of mine, because I have known women in the past who wished to remain "childless" who all think I'm crazy! I just know that even though I will not be a perfect mother, that I will love my children unconditionally and they will be a blessing in my life!
Hi Tristan, Thank you for sharing your thoughts and desires. I think it is very responsible of you to realize what it takes to raise children and know that the timing of having children can grately affect the different aspects of your life (I.e., marriage and career). It's hard to ever say when the perfect time will be to start a family, but I do feel that if your mind and heart are congruent, you will realize when the time has come.
ReplyDeleteHi Tristan! First i wanted to say your blog really moved me. I seriously had tears in my eyes while reading it. You taking the time to realize what parenting is and making the decision not to become a parent (for now) is very admirable. Many people do not even think about parenting and what it entails. These people end up having children and some can't handle it. I also think society makes women sometimes feel obligated to procreate and your choice is what is right for you. No one else will be raising the child.
ReplyDeleteI had my daughter when I was young and I do not know how I made it through successfully, but I did. Having said that, I do not feel I should have any more children. I would like to dedicate my time to her and frankly having a teenager plus a baby is scary! I commend your deep thought, honesty and decision.
Tristan,
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting to know that you have made your choice early enough, at least for now. For many women, getting a child happens without planning and you get yourself as a parent unexpectedly. Surprisingly those who accepted the experience once it happens they fair on quite well and seems natural unlike the ones who may feel burdened with the whole experience and their new capacity.
In the African perspective, marriage and getting children are what defines a woman (not so much the man). People expect girls to marry early enough and get children as soon as possible. Choice of staying childless is out of question the community quickly dis-owns you. Almost every girl/woman looks forward to marrying ad getting children. Women who are barren are the ridicule of everyone and they are considered worthless in my community. I have got three grown children and I love them so dearly.